I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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