they need to just BURY HIM!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
