Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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