today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize