I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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