"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they're like a gay fantastic four
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
