Got a toothbrush?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize