do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
