Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
