pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
well you can't waste a boner
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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