I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
