if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We just shotgunned beers for America
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
