I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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