Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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