u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
