girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
