I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh god it's open bar.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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