Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
