so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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