I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
