3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
