HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you would pick up someone in the library
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
