I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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