I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
