Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
