Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize