I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize