But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
