i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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