i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Two words: nipple clamps
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