nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
