you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
