new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
