I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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