thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Randomize
