She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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