TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
