I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude. I can hear the air.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
