i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
