I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
