he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
