Well douche your snatch and let's go!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize