Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
