i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
