Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
