I didn't shave. On purpose
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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