I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
