I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize