How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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