Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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