i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
