I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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