I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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