her vagina looked like bernie madoff
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
