please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
