so that wasnt chicken after all
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
