that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
