So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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