I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
