at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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