4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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