i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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