i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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