oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize