I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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