If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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