At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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