a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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