She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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