fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
