I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
