we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
