she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
