pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
