if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
