Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
