Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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