I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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