If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
