Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
