My liver just broke up with me...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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