During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
