the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
