remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
