Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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