Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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