How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
