I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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