fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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