my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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