pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
