Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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