he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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