if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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