White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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