Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
