dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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