Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
