Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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